I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize