Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
