Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Enjoy the penises
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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