It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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