Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
