I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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