God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
