I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
