What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize