Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
