Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
