never play flip cup with pint glasses
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Someone shattered a urinal.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
