Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
