I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
