Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
