That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
