dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
