I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
