Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
