I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
