i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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