How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
