Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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