how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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