this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
