Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
