i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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