note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
