so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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