Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
barbara walters just said penis...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
