thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
