i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
