don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
