The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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