i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
