Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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