Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
