between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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