I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
