I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
