My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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