And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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