You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I will die if light touches me.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
