so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
