i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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