I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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