If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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