I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
