Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
now i know why i became what i already was.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
