3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can i not drive my cunt home
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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