My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
