i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
