I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
