bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
