peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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