i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
