I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
