pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
