Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
