I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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