I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize