so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
